How to deal with mismatched desires

Before marriage, many partners imagine themselves effortlessly making love all the time, all through their lives. They’re usually soon disappointed because even in the best relationships, mismatched desires soon present themselves.

What is mismatched desire?

A mismatched desire is when the desire to get intimate doesn’t happen naturally or at the same time between a couple. There’ll be moments when one of the partners wants none of that from the other despite desiring the company and companionship.  This is natural and should be expected. Perhaps one of you is exhausted while the other is having a ball of his life. For example, you are worried, and all you want to do is sleep. This only becomes a problem when it happens too often or for too long. Then it’s another matter entirely. Maybe you’ve started going through the motions because you don’t feel able to say ‘No.’ Or because it’s the only way you can get a good cuddle. Mismatched desire is a common problem in almost every relationship. But if it’s happening all the time, then you should ask yourself why.

And don’t let it go on for too long. Because sooner or later it leads to more serious problems in you’re relationship. For starters resentment on both sides might set. Your partner might want to confirm they are not the problem by seeking affirmation elsewhere. Your partner’s desire will also start to disappear and you’ll probably gradually stop being intimate altogether.

What is likely to cause mismatched desire?

There are lots of possible reasons for not feeling amorous: Stress, tiredness or even quite mild illnesses, for example. Sometimes hormone or dietary problems. And of course more serious issues like suspicions, depression, a bad self-image, and physical or emotional abuse, now or in the past. Relationship problems such as anger, arguments or lots of misunderstandings can become a huge barrier.

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How to reignite intimacy desire in your relationship

The first thing thin to do is to understand what could be happening between you and your partner. Of course, we are assuming you want to solve the problem. so here are a few tips on dos and don’ts.

Don’t rely on chemsex

If you catch yourself having, a drink to ‘loosen yourself up,’ more than two consecutive intimate encounters with your partner, then it is time to get alarmed. I glass of wine might help once in a while, but it won’t work in the long term. If the underlying issues aren’t tackled it could become a habit of mild chemsex.

Don’t ignore the problem

It’s worth ignoring a simple lack of interest just once in a while because once you’ve started you’ll often find yourself getting into the mood. But don’t ignore the feelings themselves, or they’ll just go on getting worse. Almost everyone struggles with the idea of talking about this sort of problem. But it’s far better to take a deep breath, start explaining to your partner how you’re feeling and ask for their help.

couple having a serious talk
couple reengaging their relationship

For example, if you think you’re suffering from stress, depression or any other psychological issues, talk about them with your partner and if necessary seek professional help If there’s a relationship difficulty that’s getting in the way, say so and talk it out. If there’s a physical reason, discuss ways to put it right. So, if your usual position has become uncomfortable, which often happens as we get older, then try some new ones. li it’s become boring, try lots:

Hormonal change

If falling oestrogen levels have made things a bit dry, use a lubricant. If your partner’s not touching you in the right way anymore, then say so! Ask for exactly what you need and show your partner precisely what you mean You’ll quickly start enjoying your selves! Above all, take responsibility for your pleasure. Mismatched desire is not one partner’s fault, it’s a shared problem. Solve it together, and it’s going to be lots of fun.

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